im so into the breking up thing that i wasn messin with words and yea this is how it ended up lol
(work not finished first draft please help me i dont think a lot of this is publish worth but o well i tryed right?)
I’m breaking up with you,
I’m not ready for your arms wrapped tight unable to let go love.
You’re taking in all I have left in my heart and sending it to war.
Your skin is like sandpaper thrashing against mine when we touch
I tremble as you reach for my heart
you can only shred it to peaces with your razorblade hands
as we lace our fingers together for the last time
once you hold me tight ill break
no longer able to take the shelter you offer
id rather stand in the rain and weep
waiting for refugees to trample me over as they escape the open doors of prison
only to find me hiding in the shadows in there wake
When you remember what lies I told you
I love you…
Light will disappear and shrink into the distance
I know I’m being drug to the bottom of an ocean
weight of your sorrows
pushing my farther from the surface of your retinas
I’m breaking up with you,
I’m sure after I’m gone u will forget me
Memories fade into the background of your life.
And that’s what I wanted
At least what I need to continue to survive
I’m not ready for your arms wrapped tight unable to let go love.
You’re taking in all I have left in my heart and sending it to war.
Your skin is like sandpaper thrashing against mine when we touch
I tremble as you reach for my heart
you can only shred it to peaces with your razorblade hands
as we lace our fingers together for the last time
once you hold me tight ill break
no longer able to take the shelter you offer
id rather stand in the rain and weep
waiting for refugees to trample me over as they escape the open doors of prison
only to find me hiding in the shadows in there wake
When you remember what lies I told you
I love you…
Light will disappear and shrink into the distance
I know I’m being drug to the bottom of an ocean
weight of your sorrows
pushing my farther from the surface of your retinas
I’m breaking up with you,
I’m sure after I’m gone u will forget me
Memories fade into the background of your life.
And that’s what I wanted
At least what I need to continue to survive
and that means ninja and thats what the pole is ^^
1 comment:
This is a different take on the 'break up' thing.
Some suggestions:
After the first I line
I'm breaking up with you
I was thinking instead of diving head first into:
I'm not ready...(etc.)
You could say something along the lines of:
And at the risk of sounding cliché,
I'm not going to say,
"It's me, not you."
but I'm not going to pretend this is your fault.
Sometimes
love isn't meant to be final
and the 'I dos' are too
often shadowed by
the 'I don'ts.'
And then go in with the 'I'm not ready...' line.
And I had a question about the line:
unable to let go love.
Do you mean it like:
unable to let go, love.
or
unable to let love go
Either way works, I just didn't know which one you intended on.
Other than that there are a few spelling mistakes and what not, but nothing severe.
Good quality of writing!
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